The Pelican Brief-the worst love letter ever written!

Happy Friday everyone-I thought I’d share something to brighten your day….what I believe you will agree is the worst love letter ever written!

I’m lucky enough to get love letters from the guys I hate-who knows why?  Maybe it’s my name, maybe it’s the guys I date-but I tend to get alot of poems, haikus, songs, etc from the guys I’m dating.

Don’t get me wrong-I love displays of affection and appreciate when a man I’m seeing takes the time to express himself.

However, sometimes it goes too far.  This is an actual email from a man I’d met just once while living in Pittsburgh.  We met at a salsa club one Wednesday evening and danced and talked for awhile.  Afterwards, he invited me for dinner over the weekend (in Pittsburgh) and to visit him in Florida (where he lived) which I thought was a bit odd.   We exchanged information (I’m getting better on not doing that since) and I opened my inbox to find this-I call it “The Pelican Brief”-

“It was nice to open my Email and have correspondence from you. I am happy to hear that you will be able to meet me for dinner.  (After receiving this email I cancelled our dinner date)

I hope you will one day make it down to Florida. You’ll then have to let me take you Kayaking. We can do the ocean kayaking at 6:30 or 7:00 a.m. You will surely enjoy the cool summer breeze and the smell of the ocean. It is a sight to behold when the sun marks the onset of a new day. It is there, at the edge of the wate! r that you will see the majesty of the earth; an endless sea of both wonder and plight. But if you stop for a moment you will only notice the pelican circling above the water searching for their first meal of the day. It is their freedom I yearn to known and not the freedom I’ve been told is mine. What is my freedom compared to theirs? How confined must I seem to them-the pelicans?  (I swear this is verbatim! -I couldn’t make this shit up!)


And so as I thrust my kayak unto the sea she greets me with malcontent. Perhaps she knows of all the bad things my kind have done to her waters so she splashes me with many waves. But inevitably she accepts my body into her waters. I am content to be inside of her, but I am still careful as she may reject me again with dire consequences. (Hello sexual innuendo!)

After a short mêlée with her, I can begin to paddle towards the sun now fully protruded over the ocean, but at eyesight level with me. When I turn, I see the coast line now only a few hundred yards away but yet it seems so much farther away. During the next hour she will again challenge me occasionally but allow me to stay.! She is feisty but yet beautiful and majestic.

In any event I digress from the true purpose of this email and that is to tell you that I am looking forward to once again be in your presence. I thought you were very graceful the last time we danced so I am sure your second time around you will be even more so…A true gentleman would pick you up at home, but being that I am new to this area I will probably get lost, so why don’t we meet in front of the place were we met.Either way 7:00 or 7:30 is good for me.

However, I must forewarn you, I will dance with you all night… Ok, I’ve written much and have probably brought you to tears (and to think I could go on for hours)… (Please take care, drive safely and remember the old proverb “Never spit into the wind” (-: > >I will call you soon.

Ladies and Gentlemen…..The Pelican Brief

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