You are safe here

Today marks a somber occasion which caused a shift in the attitude of most Americans-a loss of our sense of security-it also marks a personal shift for myself.

I thought of the connection as my yoga teacher, Rusty Wells, lead us into savassana and as we settled, said “Don’t worry, you are safe here”.

Ironic, I thought, that today marks a worldwide shift in our ideas of what we need to feel secure.  Now, everyone is assumed to be guilty-be it at the airport, on Bart or traveling to a foreign country.

Today would have also been my wedding anniversary, had I stayed married.

And, it’s interesting to see where my attitudes regarding continuity have grown.

Prior to my wedding, my life path was determined by others.  It was expected that I would find a man in my 20’s, settle down, get married and live happily ever after.

One of the benefits of this, it was thought, was that I would be secure.

And, I was in all of the expected ways.  I had a house, 2 dogs, a husband, 2 car garage and all of the trappings of the ‘burbs.  Nothing could touch or rattle me.

But, I found myself an insomniac.  I paced through our 3 story home feeling as if something in me was trying to get out and take some risks-travel-kiss inappropriate people-drop the bullshit 5 year plan.

So, I followed my heart-got divorced-lost everything financially-and my spirit began to grow.

And, here I am, in San Francisco, minus all of the trappings of marriage and suburban life.  I’m without the protection of a husband, a fat bank account, a financial planner to set up my retirement-in fact, I don’t even have a car.

But, somehow-somehow, I feel more true to myself, more relaxed, more SECURE than I was in my former life.

So, today is a sad anniversary for many reasons.  But, I’m reminded by my amazing guru, “Here, you are safe”.

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