Up until the bitter end where I (for the first time ever) wasn’t able to spend Christmas with my dad and family and where I didn’t get my midnight kiss from my Soulmate on New Years Eve.
“Why aren’t things the way I want them to be”???? I thought.
In yoga theory-Patanjali has a great lesson on non-attachment or “Vairagya” which in yoga teaches us-“Our attachment to material things, people, and experiences is what draws us away from freedom and connection to Self. By having a grounded connection to Self, we are able to disperse the burden of materialism: desire, the need to acquire, and the false sense of existence through the association to things and others.”
I’d become attached to the results of my actions-that if I had the Christmas I wanted, the romance I’d imagined, the picture-perfect image of happiness-then I would be fulfilled.
So, I let go….
I started 2012-hoping for better but expecting nothing.
And, I let go of my ego-and the idea that I would not be happy or fulfilled unless I had the experiences I wanted. And, that I have any control over it all anyway.
Unexpectedly, amazing opportunities came my way.
New Year’s Day was a sunny, gorgeous day spent dancing with friends in the sun.
My new job offers challenge and inspiration.
Old friends who have hung on despite my pessimism have become more open and connected with me, knowing that I can relate to someone who’s going through tough times.
My SF peeps fill my weekends with Flash Brunches, hula hooping, yoga classes and dance parties. Every time I’m convinced I need to pack away my Burning Man tutus, an event comes where the wigs and eyelashes to match become necessary.
And, I’m finding a family here in San Francisco when I can’t be with mine in Pittsburgh, PA.
Amazing yoga friends and students bring me gifts, lovers reach out to re-connect, girlfriends help me indulge my “Portlandia” addiction and one lovely lady invites me to a wine tasting at a totally high brow winery (Shout-out to Ram’s Gate Winery!!)
So, while 2011 didn’t meet my standards-maybe I needed to let go of my expectations of what I wanted to happen to allow what is supposed to happen to occur.