Vairagya is the yogic practice of non-attachment -the idea that if we let go of material things, of people, even of our perceived ideas of ourselves-we will truly find freedom.
I struggle with this not so much in material things but more in the idea of becoming non-attached to people, relationships, cliques, groups, etc.
But, every so often, I lost something material that breaks my heart. This time, it was a diamond pendant.
Not any pendant, it was one made out of my old wedding ring. I’d struggled for years on whether or not to wear it ( being a divorcee and all). But, once I put it beside the OM that my oldest friend got me, it felt right. (And, if you look at the photo, you can SEE how right it looked)
It was a sparkling remnant of the past, an ode to a 9 year relationship that included a bad-ass wedding in New Orleans, a house purchased togeter, trips to Rome and Germany, and 2 wonderful dogs.
Imagine my despair when I realized I lost it.
I was at a magical wedding and went to change outfits and my necklace must have gotten caught in this amazing headpiece I was wearing. I didn’t notice until I was home and found my OM nestled in my bra but no pendant. I spent an hour that night and the next morning on my kitchen floor crying, convinced that maybe,maybe it had fallen off there and if I looked hard enough-I’d find it…….
I felt like a big baby when friends said ‘it’s not a big deal‘ and ‘hey, you’re divorced anyway.’
Luckily, I came across a friend who empathized with me saying ‘this is your talisman-of course you are upset!’.
And, I realized its OK to to be attached to the things that hold dear memories for us, things that represent a time in our lives, a love that might be over but was once real and true.
For me, that diamond wasn’t about worth or monetary value-it was a shining symbol that someone found me a worthy partner in that great risk called love, no matter how it ended. And that
While I have to accept the loss of this talisman-I maintain the right to have some attachment to the things that are important like young, optimistic love.